Moments that Matter!

Today while I was taking my almost daily hike, I wondered how many moments in our lives actually matter? I took a trail I usually avoid, but I decided it was time to face my memories... this particular trail took me by the place where my ex and I exchanged rings, and where we snuck back into the park after it had closed and revisited the spot. There is also a set of stairs on that trail where I slipped and slid down the entire flight. That moment was six years later, the moment I realized my life must change, or else.... But today was a different day.

It occurred to me that life is like that path. It continually brings us around to people and situations that are different on the surface, and yet somehow, are essentially the same. It is a program deep within our souls, one that we are destined to resolve. When we pass this way again, will we have learned? Can we look at these new moments in our present and see them now with new eyes? Will we become embittered, blaming others, society, genetics, or an uncaring God? Or will we see them as opportunities to learn and to grow?

My friend Steph reminded me of a time in high school when she lost her father. The following Monday, she didn't want to be there so we played hookie and spent the day floating on the lake talking. My friend Bill remembers his first day of school and sitting with me on the bus. I can think of no greater honor than to be a part of a moment that was important enough to stick in another's memory. It reminds me that you just never know what moment in the present may turn out to to be one of the moments that matter.

Recently, I had the honor of sharing my mother's last breath. I shared one of my neice's first. There are people who have impacted me in ways that they will never know. And when I think of those instances, many were just that... an instant, that would probably seem insignificant to that person.

I've learned that of all the things in this world, there is nothing more important than this moment and the people who share it with us. Make each moment matter!

The Chasm

Once I saw an emptiness in your deep blue eyes and wanted to fill it.
But when I followed the emptiness into your broken heart,
I found a chasm that I could not cross.
Where you buried her, the flowers grew to full bloom.
When you buried me, I was yet alive,
And you wondered why I scratched and clawed.
My tomb is now open and abandoned, I am free at last...
But when I look back, I see no flowers, no mourners, no fanfare.
One cannot compete with the dead and still live.
Today I saw an emptiness in your deep blue eyes and wanted to fill it.
But now I know that no one can but you...

Manifesting Destiny - Part 3 - Allowing

I sat down to write this blog and found that it was exactly a year ago to the day that I wrote part 2 of this series, Manifesting Destiny - Part 2 - Intention (2/17/2007). My delay has to do with a perplexing question rattling in the back of my mind for the past year. I've always been intrigued by paradox and when I encounter one, I turn into Rainman, wondering "who's on first?" (that's the man's name! no, who's on first?). The paradox is this: I've always had a sense that the concept of free will and destiny are both correct. How could that be? How could you say that something was your "meant to be" destiny and at the same time say that you chose it? My title is silly! "Manifesting Destiny" is like telling the dog to sit after he has already sat, then saying "good dog!" How much of this can we choose when we exist in such a web of interlocking wills?

I listened to the book, "The Secret" on audio on my way to Indianapolis last year. Following the book's recommendation, I decided to try to manifest something small and easy, a paperclip. I thought of a paperclip, I felt how it would feel in my hand, and believed that one would show up. When I arrived in Indy, I told my sister about this and asked her how long she thought it would take me to manifest a paperclip. She just rolled her eyes. Well, the next morning, I walked out of the hotel, and in downtown Indianapolis laying in the middle of the sidewalk there was a pile of paperclips. I was excited! I took a picture! I picked them up and made them into a long necklace of 23 paperclips (no, I didn't wear it!). I ran into the hotel and I found my sister, held out my hand and said, "look what I just found!" She just said, "you dumbass, why didn't you ask for a million dollars?" Ha, ha! That's all funny, but her question is my conundrum. Asking for what is not meant to be defies the laws of the universe. If I ask for a million dollars and one of my lessons here requires me to live in squalor, then living in squalor it will be. I'm not being a pessimist, I'm not saying that we cannot get what we want. I'm saying that what we manifest has to be within the confines of our personal destiny.

This is how I have come to think of it. Life is like a river, and we each have a boat. Mine is a kayak. We are not all on the same river. I know people who travel quaintly down the Little Miami. I happen to be raging down the Upper Yok. The river is destiny, it's your path. The choices that are available and the lessons to be learned are different on the Little Miami than those on the Upper Yok. "Free will" is partly our ability to travel upstream if we choose. It's our ability to steer clear of the rocks or to pull up on the shore for a spell, or to take a detour. There are many opportunities that we can choose to partake or pass by. "Fate" puts other boats (people) in our path. Some travel along-side for a lifetime, others bump into us and go their way, but all are important.

I have learned recently that life moves along most smoothly when I'm not trying to manipulate my circumstances, to let things happen, or "flow". I think the greatest challenge for us is to let things happen in their own time. One morning in Sedona, I woke up to a picture of a turkey timer in my head, the kind that you stick in a turkey to determine when it's done. I thought, "I'm ready [for this change]". This gave me an insight into the concept of time. The day before, I was in a bookstore and opened up to a page in the middle. I was reading that "true north" is where north actually is, but "magnetic north" constantly fluctuates. A compass is a gauge that measures "magnetic north" and navigators have to take into account that it doesn't exactly coincide with "true north". When I saw the turkey timer, I thought, that's "true time". Meaning, things happen as they are ready to, not because of the clock or the calendar. If the buzzer goes off, but the timer hasn't popped, which do you believe? People operate on true time, when they are ready.

Time is just an illusion. The angels aren't peering over the clouds saying, "I wonder what Lory is doing today?" Over there, there is no today, no time. Time exists to prevent everything from happening at once. Everything cannot happen at once because we are not ready. When we are ready, everything will happen at once and we will have no need for this. I believe the story of The Garden of Eden is a story of how we became "self-aware". We were suddenly "naked", or rather, we suddenly became aware that being naked was a problem. But being naked is symbolic to being vulnerable. Perhaps when we "evolved" into these self-aware beings, we "forgot" that we are really all one with each other and with God, a spiritual "devolution". We ate of the "forbidden fruit", which was our wanting of the knowledge of good and evil. Me against you. Us against them. But I am you, we are them. When will we learn?

Wasn't it that day in the garden that we were given the "gift" of free will? When God said, "okay, dude (and dudeette), you're on your own (more or less)." Many people, and I myself believe, that we agreed to this life we are living before we were born. Our personalities and abilities were determined by the exact place and time of our birth, and the situations we find ourselves in are there to guide us toward our life lessons. I have always tried to manage my life so that bad things wouldn't happen. But my new approach is to put it out there, and let go of it. A prayer! Who knew? Do I believe in manifestation? Absolutely, within the context of my destiny. That would sound to some as though I don't fully believe, but if I chose my own destiny, that is ultimate "free will". So my new mantra is this: It was as it was, it is what it is, I am who I am, and it will be exactly as it should be.

Sedona - Day 7 - Her Name Was Sofiaaaaaahahaaaa!

Her name was not just Sofia, it was Sofiaaaaahahaha! That I met her was without a doubt the hand of fate. I had checked out of the time share and was looking for a place to stay for my last two nights. I found a motel at the very edge of town and went in to ask about the price of a room. Since the price was a reasonable $50, it was an uncharacteristic move for me then to drive to the Best Western down the road to shop around. This little detour had me walking back into that motel at 12:05, just ahead of a petite asian woman. As the man behind the counter ran my credit card, he asked her how he could help her. "How long wok to airport?", she asked. "About two hours", he replied. She was clearly disappointed. She said she had heard the best view was at the airport. I told her that I would give her a ride. "Back tooooo?", she said. We headed toward the car and I noticed she didn't really walk. She either skipped or jumped or maybe even floated. My name Sofiaaaaa. Ha, ha, ha! I cleared off my passenger seat and we were off. She asked, "where you wok?" "I make web sites", I said. "Noooooo, where you wok", as she made walking motions with her two fingers. "Oh", I said, "where do I like to go hiking?" "Yeesssss! Ha, ha ,ha ,ha!" And thus began a two hour game of charades. She told me that she was from Taipai, Taiwan. She works as a home economics teacher, and this was her first time in the United States. It was the 21st country that she had visited. She was with a group that had stopped their tour bus in Sedona on their way to the Grand Canyan. "Others went on cheep tour", she said. "A cheap tour??" "Nooooo, cheep tour." She made a driving motion. "Oohhhh, a Jeep Tour." "Yeeessss. Cheep tour, Ha, ha ,ha ,ha! Too expensive!"

We found a beautiful overlook near the airport and took some pictures, but then she insisted that we go to the terminal. She just had to find the best view. We asked a man behind the counter where that view might be. He said it was the overlook where we had just been. "I want to get picture by airplane!" I was thinking that there was no way they were going to let us onto the flightline with airport security as it is. The man said, "I can't let you out there……..but I can take you out. My jaw dropped and I looked at Sofiaaaaahahaha! I could tell it was just life as usual. She just expected to see the best view, so the universe provided a person with a car, and now she was getting a picture with an airplane. I asked, "all the things to see in Sedona and you want to get your picture taken with one of these little planes?" Her reply? "Yessssssssss! Ha, ha ,ha!" No explanation, she just wanted to! I was thoroughly amused. The man snapped a couple pictures and we were off again. We had an hour and a half left and so much to see!

We climbed up to another overlook – "Sooo Beauuuuteefullllll!!!". What I noticed is how people reacted to her. She was like a beacon and her laugh was contagious. She said she really wanted to see the "church in the rock". Off we went. I asked her questions about her country and their political system. Taiwan is a republic that has was liberated from China 97 years ago. It is smaller than the state of Ohio with a population of 27 million people. I have always wondered what life was like in countries where there are so many people. I asked, "how many people live in your house?" "Oh, jus meeee." "Well, how big is your house?" "Oh, I have biiiggggg house, 400 square feet! Ha, ha ,ha!" Then she said, "You soooo lucky you live here. You travel anywhere." I said, "Yea, but I don't travel nearly as much as you do." She said that when she went to a place she would find a store that sells postcards. She would find the very best view and that is where she would go. It struck me that she must save every spare yen or whatever they have there just for trips like these. Finding the best view is almost always FREE. Wow, what a lesson. I decided right then that I would do that. I would seek out the best view and soak it in. It made me wish that I could go on to the Grand Canyon with her so that I could see her raw excitement over one of the best views in the world! I pictured her with her arms out like wings saying, "Soooo Beauuuuuuuteeeeful!", while the others on her tour bus shuffled into a 3D IMAX presentation of the Grand Canyon. We returned to town just in time for her to catch her bus.

Here I am in Sedona, Arizona, a place considered by many to be a spiritual mecca. I set out to find what it is in myself that keeps me from experiencing life fully, to find the source of my inhibitions I've always felt. Sofiaaaaahahaha blew in and out of my life in an hour and 50 minutes. If I never see her again, I will always remember her. In less than two hours, the universe gave me not only a friend, but an example of what it's like to truly live. We exchanged information, and she said next year she wants to go to the other coast. I couldn't believe that I had trouble thinking of wonderful views for her to see there. I have absolutely no doubt she will find them, though.

My New Year's "Revelation" - Revisted

I only have one thing to say about 2007.... I tried. I don't know if you've ever had the humbling experience of pulling out your resolutions from the year before to see how you did. After reading mine, there is really only one thing that I will change....I will keep it in my wallet and read it every now and then. But I guess that's what the new year is really about--changing the date and giving it another shot.

Resolution. Resolve. White Knuckles. Jan 4th.

Revelation. Reveal. Expanded Thought. Dec 31st.

I have been thinking about "success" and what it takes to be/feel successful. We've all seen people who appear successful but have trashed their lives through drugs and alcohol or who attain more riches than a person could ever spend, and yet they're still not happy. Success, to me i've decided, is the process of becoming the person that I want to be. I think that this life has a whole lot of "rules". But at the end of the day, the most brutal rules are the ones that we impose on ourselves. So, this year my New Year's "Revelation" is this.... We always pick something that we vow to do or to not do. What we really want is to just feel better. When we can't make ourselves do it, we feel like crap again. This year, I want to feel successful....*all year*. I think that if I feel successful, I will be. But if essentially the rules are mine for the making, i'd like to set them up so that I can win, so that even if I have a bad day, each brings me just a little bit closer. So, here they are:

I will feel successful if I can make even the smallest amount of progress in becoming the person I want to be. I will only feel unsuccessful if I give up on that. This is who I want to be:

I will be successful at life each time I find small ways to make a difference, even to just one person for one moment. I will be successful at life as I come to a better understanding each day of what I value, for that is what I will have. I will be successful at life when I find something good in a situation, because that is the first rung on the ladder to something better. I will be successful at life when I take time to have a laugh, to appreciate something previously taken for granted, to give a complement, or to do something outrageous!

I will be successful with my emotions if I pay attention to how I feel and why, and know that no one can *rock my boat* unless I let them. I will be successful with my emotions if I can learn to ask myself the right questions, knowing that the answers lie within, and that they will come. "What is good about this?", or "What is funny about this?" will provide answers that make me feel just a little bit better. I will be successful with my emotions each time I move one step closer to my center and who I truly am.

I will be successful at love when I can love and accept myself, because that will allow me to be loving and accepting of others. I will surround myself and focus my energy on those who love me for who I am and I will love them for who they are. I will be successful at love by recognizing those who are deserving of the tender places and trust them completely, and also understanding that unconditional love sometimes needs to take place from a distance. I will be successful at friendship as I strive to *be* the friend that I would like to have.

I will be successful at work as I give each day my best, knowing that although no task is "impossible", not every task is worth sacrificing what I value more. I will be successful at work if I can focus on those things that are wildly important first, leave the rest, and go home!

I will be successful with my health when I do my best to eat and drink in order to nourish my body, and to splurge on occasion because I deserve it! I will be successful with my health if I at least got some exercise yesterday. If not yesterday, then definitely today!

I will be successful with my soul if I take even a few minutes to relax and clear my mind, go for a walk, read something inspirational, write a blog, turn off the TV. I will be successful with my soul as I come just a little closer to understanding who I truly am, and my connection to God, the universe, the earth and all that is.

I would like to wish anyone who reads this a happy and successful 2008.

An Ensign of my Own Command!

I have believed for some time that the universe continues to attempt to teach us what we're here to learn until we learn it. As each passing lesson becomes more painful, I often ask myself what it is i'm supposed to get that i'm not getting so I can pass through it into some more peaceful existence. I've also come to believe that I always get the answers, as we all do in some fashion, but do not always pay attention.

I really can't remember the last time I turned on my TV, but today I flipped to an old favorite....Star Trek. Now, I know that any of my friends that may read this are far from Trekkies, but I tell you there is more spiritual meaning and universal truth about humanity in this show than any other i've seen, except perhaps Xena. :)

The episode is "Ensigns of Command" and it's about a civilization of humans stranded on a hostile, radioactive planet that is about to be colonized by an alien race. The Enterprise, thinking that these people will be happy to evacuate such an "unliveable" condition and their certain destruction, send Data (the android) to coordinate. The people there, however, are excited to show their visitors how much they have accomplished---they have brought an aqauduct of water into the desert and have adapted to the radiation. They are so invested in their accomplishments and their legacy that they refuse to leave, even if it means certain death..

Ensign Data, struggling with the perplexities of the human psyche, tries many things to convince them to no avail. As a last ditch effort, he destroys the aquaduct, giving them no choice but to leave.

Okay, okay, I get it! I get the message already! The things that I have clung to inside me, been so proud of, relished, bathed in...they are oh so familiar...but in the scheme of things.....insignificant compared to what I could be. My final aquaduct destroyed, I have seen the enemy and she is me. So beam me up, warp 3, and engage.

Manifesting Destiny - Part 2 - Intention

According to Forest Gump, life is like a box of chocolates. "Ya never know what you're gonna get." But have you ever bit into three or four of the ones with that yukky white cream in the middle, put them back, then discover the diagram on the underside of the cover? I believe that we chose our destiny before we came here in order to learn the lessons we need to learn, and have that diagram tucked down deep inside, if we could only remember...

No disrespect to Forest -- *Forest Rocks* -- but I like to think of life as a pot luck dinner with a gathering of friends, each of us bringing a favorite dish of our own creation. I am bringing a chocolate pie with home-made crust, and whipped cream sprinkled with dark chocolate shavings. The grocery store is like a world of infinite choices. Now, I like horse radish as much as the next person, but in my chocolate pie? Not so good. Some of life's ingredients are fine and good and true, but let the person bringing the shrimp cocktail worry about the horse radish. Other things in life, like the dust bunnies on floor of isle six? Not so good in any dish... Just leave them there. I cannot tell you how many times I have been faced with a situation or person that was hurtful, and have said to myself, "I didn't want poop in my pie anyway!". Then I sit in silent self-amusement, and that's what it's all about anyway. Well, it's either that or the hokey-pokey, but that's for another blog....

This and my part 1 blog - Attraction - are based on three books -- Ask and It is Given, The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent, and The Law of Attraction by Esther and Jerry Hicks.

I believe we are here *in the physical* simply to experience joy. Sounds overly simple, but through the process of learning "how" to experience joy forces us to learn those not-so-simple lessons! When we feel joy, we can find our center where we are in alignment with our higher self or source. From that place, we attract other thoughts and situations that match it. The Law of Attraction is... "that which is like unto itself is drawn". The Law of Deliberate Creation states that our focused thoughts are manifested into our lives. This doesn't mean that we think one thought and it happens...I think of it as each thought being worth a penny. A penny isn't even worth leaning over to pick up....but over a period of time, we can think the equivalent of a million pennies and that is significant. In living without intent, half of the pennies will be on heads, half on tails and from that we have lost our power to create. Having a clear picture of what we want and focusing our thoughts accordingly lands all of our pennies on heads. Here is an example from my own life... I struggled for many years with a business that barely made a profit. Looking back I see that I had two conflicting beliefs: (1) if I grew my business I would be able to travel and make lots of money and my spouse could retire, and (2) if my business failed or consumed my time my relationship would fail. The fear of losing my spouse because of my business paralyzed me, and three opportunities came from "nowhere" immediately after I was out of the relationship. Was my relationship to blame? No, my thoughts were!

I've always been intrigued by paradox, and the paradox here is that I have often come to the conclusion that I need to "let go". Focusing my thoughts and having deliberate intent on what I want seems to run contrary to that. In the context of this second law, I would say that it's a matter of timing. The book refers to the process of determining what it is you want as "prepaving". The time to prepave is "pre", during meditation, contemplation, prayer, daydreaming, or whatever form of sabatical you choose. The "letting go" part then comes with the third law, the Law of Allowing. Stay tuned for part 3.

Live with Purpose!
Lory